CGT April Fools Update

CGT Update: Monday, April 1, 1999

This was sent to us by the brother of one of our long time Guitar Craft friends on the east coast, Tom Redmond. We had suggested that Tom quit his lucrative business and become our booking agent. This was Stephen Redmond's response to our suggestion:

I can see it now...

Associated Press Release - September 19, 2000 In a scandal the likes of which has not been seen by the entertainment industry since John Lennon proclaimed that the Beatles were "...bigger than Christ", the California Guitar Trio filed court documents suing their former booking agent and business partner, "Hellboy" Tom Redmond, citing conflict of interest. Lawyers for the CGT stated that "Mr. Redmond's performance was extremely sub-standard and only he benefited from his booking practices." Bert Lams, spokesman for the CGT said "We figured out after our last performance that the only reason that Tom booked us on that cross-country tour of Arby's was because he had 50 coupons for free roast beef sandwiches." Hideyo Moriya, another band member was also quoted as saying. "Yeah, the bastard made me sleep on newspaper too!" The year 2000 has been a rough one for the CGT. Earlier in the year they released a 3 CD set entitled "Bubbles in the Bathtub", a tribute to legendary composer Lawrence Welk, that was mercilessly panned by the critics. The subsequent tour was also marred by increasingly bizarre behavior by former member Paul Richards. In May, Mr. Richards was arrested after a performance at a Borders bookstore. Richards allegedly refused to pay for a Highlights magazine in which he had completed all of the connect-the-dots puzzles. In June, he began showing up for performances clad in leopard-skin shirts, leather pants, and continually screamed out "I AM THE LIZARD KING!" during the performances. The final straw for the band came at another Borders appearance when Mr. Richards ignited his guitar with lighter fluid in a lame attempt to imitate Jimi Hendrix at Monterey. Since leaving the CGT, Richards has been performing with the group "Back in Time", a Huey Lewis and the News tribute that is currently the house band for Celebrity Cruise Lines' Hawaii to Antarctica excursions. Mr. Richards was unavailable for comment. Robert Fripp, founder of the "crafty" style of guitar playing, when asked about the scandal simply stated, "I knew that Redmond guy was an a--hole the first time I met him. We tried our best to keep hiding his instrument at the guitar craft seminars, but the wanker kept finding it!" The court case will begin Monday and will be tried on the popular TV show "Judge Judy". All of the members of the CGT organization and Mr. Redmond will also reunite next month on the "Jerry Springer Show" in a final attempt to battle out their differences. Mr Redmond is currently the booking agent for punk-rock legends "Adam and the Ants" and is working on an eighteen month-long cross-country tour of Stuckey's restaurants. --END--

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